Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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