Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I believe in your delicious
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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