So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
