Dual....:-)
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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