Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
