hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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