Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's like iHOP with fire
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
