My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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