i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So apparently I’m into choking now
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
