she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
