The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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