We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
