The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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