miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't deserve a penis
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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