when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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