The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
