im six kinds of drunk right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
