I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize