I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize