Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
