Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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