We're facebook friends in real life
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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