You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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