we're making bets on your personal life
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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