Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
