Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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