How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
