So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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