____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
