at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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