um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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