i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
