her vagine was all disorganized.
false alarm. still invincible.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
