well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
