Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
