At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
