Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Boobs speak an international language.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
