I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
