My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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