I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize