i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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