I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
