i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
