hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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