I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
