I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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