She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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