Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
