if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
