It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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