i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
