Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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