Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
