I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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