So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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