I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
