We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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