But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm like, not good at living.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize