i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
