Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize