That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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