Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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