Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
