whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
