im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
