I'm laying in your front yard are you home
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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