My sheets look like a crime scene.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
