he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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