Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
