i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
