I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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