I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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