david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize