Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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