Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
