sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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