I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
