Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
