I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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