Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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