The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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