she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
