It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
