I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize