I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
