i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
