My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
