Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
