Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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