You made me cry and you don't even care
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize