I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
