Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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