Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
