She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
