Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
