Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
