Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
