ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
