I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
