Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
