why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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