We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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