yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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