I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
