Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
